All I can say is thank you Lord for distracting me with the bog. Its been a life saver! The old saying "An empty mind is a devils workshop" is pretty spot on.
There were many occasions in the past two months that I could have easily eased back into the old thinking patterns. The old me was waiting quietly in the wings. It wanted to spring out and surprise me when I was at my lowest physically. Brain zaps, nausea, dizziness, and extreme fatigue. The old me would have succumbed to the discomfort and believed that I was so unhappy, so unlucky. "Why me God"! But then the old me would not have been asked to get off the medications. The doctors do know what they are doing.
The new me has by the Lords' grace tried to take it a day, an hour, a minute, a second, a moment at a time. I have been blessed with a fantastic Guru, and a very supportive family and kind friends. All this cannot be just coincidence, can it? The new me has been watching every thought going through my mind. I have been waiting patiently (think of a cat waiting for a mouse to pop out of that hole) for any negative thought to enter my head. My guru has taught me all about Maya (will write a post about it soon). The mind loves nothing better than to feel sorry for itself. The old thinking pattern- you blink and it takes over. And before I know it I would have been taken over by my mind. But not any more. I admit I did "loose it" once in a while. But thankfully those occasions were very rare.
So what did I do. I kept telling myself something the scriptures have taught me. "This Too Shall Pass". I prayed. I meditated. I stayed cheerful. I sang the Lords' praises on top of my voice. I sang Jai Radha Madhava, Hare Krishna Mahamantra, Shivoham Shivoham. I watched re runs of Monk and Mentalist (Simon Baker can cheer anyone up, trust me). I watched this fantastic documentary by Wayne Dyer - The Shift: From Ambition to Meaning. Wow! And I meditated. I meditated like never before. It was tough, trust me. I read my scripture every single day. I listened to the wonderful Eckhart Tolle - constantly. I believed that I will be well again.
I believe I will be well. I have faith I will not have the black dog visit me. My guru has taught me that there have been many ups and downs in my life. I have still managed to come through and shine against all odds. The Lord has been ever present by my side. I just did not know it. I believed I was alone. The scriptures teach me that all these years the lord stood and helped me through everything in my life and I was too busy to remember him. Now that I am forever remembering him, forever dreaming about his glories- would he then forget me? It does not make sense does it. Would you, my dear reader, forget someone who loved you and remembered you all the time. Its impossible right? And man has been said to be made in the image of God. Eureka!
Think about it.
Till then - smile and sing (remember on top of your lungs) to this beautiful song - On Top Of The World.
Om Tat Sat
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